I am never alone.: The End of Last July
All at once I became terrified that you would leave me,
The fear came suddenly like a thief in the night…
Not unlike how you stole my heart.
In the span of two breaths you didn’t even exist.
Almost a year of memories were erased, and my heart flew
Higher than I ever thought it’s wings could…
I love you. I miss you - and then it’s always Goodbye.
Submerged beneath the weight of the inevitable.
Have I really lost myself again? I don’t recognize this face today.
This isn’t my heart. My thoughts…my thoughts are familiar still - they are mine.
In, out. Up, down. Good days, bad ones.
Narcotics to dull the obvious and suppress my dreams.
Maybe its the medication in my bloodstream dulling my sense of what happy should be and what really just exists in front of me. Losing sight and sense of what’s within reach and what isn’t attainable. Blurred lines. Reality sets in, become someone you’re not, mimic what all the other’s are doing, smile, agree, force conversation, suppress what you’ve been feeling. Protect the oblivious.
Repeat.
Rather to lose than to never ______ at all.
This song, repeat. Rain that struggles. Plans dissipated. Sedated and unsure what today is…are you farther from my mind yet? You didn’t have to fight alone, Ive never seen mom cry like that…..heavy is my heart.
